Therapy ABC – Blah blah blah

Prologue

Therapy ABC is a series of blogs that I put together to help shed some light on the vocabulary of therapy. Each blog will focus on one key phrase that you may have heard in therapy. Let’s find out what these phrases do not mean and what they really mean by your therapist!

Today’s vocabulary is Blah blah blah.

It has occurred to me that one of the common ways for people to talk themselves out of the therapy room is what I call “It is just blah blah blah”. I have heard the following said to me by clients, in the midst of retelling some deeply troubling and traumatising experiences:

“I am sure someone had it worse.”

“It wasn’t a big deal.”

“That happens to everyone.”

“It’s just my same old same old again.”

“What is the point of talking about all this?”

You get the idea. This kind of minimisation can help one to cope or to get a sense of control over what happened. It keeps one at a distance from feeling the full impact of the event. Adopting tunnel vision when in danger is a natural survival mechanism so one has a better chance to stick it out. However, downplaying, avoiding or even denying the experience afterwards will usually prevent trauma survivors from deeper healing.

These statements might also hint at a fear of judgment and self-depreciation. The distress and suffering are dismissed and not considered worth uttering and hearing. Assumptions might have been made on others. Rejection is anticipated, so might as well call it out to avoid further disappointment. A debilitating position to be in.

Therapy is not a competition about who has had the worst and therefore worthy of the therapist’s time and attention, albeit this might be a belief that will take time to challenge.

I rather like to think of the therapy room as a movie theatre, where I invite clients (and myself) to enter with a “suspension of disbelief”, temporarily letting go of assumptions. Here you can experience, even just briefly, what it might be like to put yourselves first, to give your experience a voice.

So,  no “blah blah blah” is ever trivial, obvious or boring for that matter to a therapist’s ears. Till next time!